Light hearted and Funny Poems For your Wedding Ceremony

Where do you begin when choosing a poem for your wedding ceremony and how do you find the perfect poem that will create an enjoyable, relaxed, atmosphere for you and your guests?  Here is a wonderful selection of light hearted poems and funny poems which will hopefully give you some inspiration. 

It is so important that your big day reflects you as a couple and although during your ceremony there is the special and meaningful key moment when you will declare your love and commitment to each other, it is also important that your ceremony sets the right vibe and reflects your personalities.  So if you’re not keen on the lovey, fluffy stuff but still want readings that are meaningful, then why not consider  injecting some humour and choose a couple of light-hearted or funny readings that can be read by your chosen guests or even a group of friends! 

If you have been chosen to read a poem and you are nervous, remember to practice a lot beforehand.  If you are reading a funny or light-hearted poem, remember to take your time and pause for the laughs to allow everyone to enjoy it too!  You will be fabulous!

He Never Leaves The Seat Up – by Anon

He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!
She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!
He’s a very active person
As are all his next of kin
Whereas she likes lazy days
He’ll still drag her to the gym!
He romances her and dines her
Home cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favourite food
And spoils her day and night!
She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 50 years
When his dentures aren’t in place?!
He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?

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Yes, I’ll Marry You – by Pam Ayres

“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear.
And here’s the reason why:
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry.
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it.
You have to face the neighbour
Should our Labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!!!

It’s you who has to work the drill
And put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I DO, I DO, I DO!!”

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The Promise – by Eileen Rafter

The sun danced on the snow with a sparkling smile;
As two lovers sat quietly, alone for a while.
Then he turned and said, with a casual air
(though he blushed from his chin to the tips of his hair),
“I think I might like to get married to you.”

“Well then,” she said, “there’s a thought.
But what if we can’t promise to be all that we ought?
Can you promise me, say, that you won’t rage and shout,
If I’m late yet again, when we plan to go out,
For I know I can’t promise I’ll learn to ignore
Dirty socks or damp towels strewn all over the floor.

So if we can’t vow to be all that we should
I’m not sure what to do though the idea’s quite good.”
But he gently smiled and tilted his head
Till his lips met her ear and softly he said
“I promise to weave my dreams into your own,
that wherever you breathe will be my heart’s home.

I promise that, whether with rags or with gold I am blessed,
Your smile is the jewel I will treasure the best.
Do you think then, my love, we should marry – do you?”
“Yes, she said smiling, “I do.”

Marriage – by Anon

Marriage is about giving and taking
And forging and forsaking
Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving
Caring and sharing and screaming and swearing

About being together whatever the weather
About being driven to the end of your tether
About sweetness and kindness
And wisdom and blindness

It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak
It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak
It’s about being wrong when you know you are right
It’s about giving in, before there’s a fight
It’s about you two living as cheaply as one
(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)

Never heeding advice that was always well meant
Never counting the cost until it’s all spent
And for you two today it’s about to begin
And for all that the two of you had to put in
Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness
Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness.

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I’ll Be There For You – By Louise Cuddon

I’ll be there my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin
When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane

When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age
When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said “Fine”, but you’re out in a storm

When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb

When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay
And return to discover you’ve been towed away

When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes

So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew
When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue
’cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.

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Today

Today is a day you will always remember
The greatest in anyone’s life
You’ll start off the day just two people in love
And end it as Husband and Wife

It’s a brand new beginning the start of a journey
With moments to cherish and treasure
And although there’ll be time when you both disagree
These will surely be outweighed by pleasure

You’ll have heard many words of advice in the past
When the secrets of marriage were spoken
But you know that the answers lie hidden inside,

where the bond of true love lies unbroken

So live happy forever as lovers and friends
It’s the dawn of a new life for you
As you stand there together with love in your eyes
From the moment you whisper ‘I do’

And with luck, all your hopes, and your dreams can be real
May success find its way to your hearts
Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys
But today is the day it all starts.

Happiness Cake

Take: 1 heaped portion of True Love
1heaped cup of perfect trust and confidence
1 heaped cup of tenderness
(the most tender available)
1 heaped cup of good humour
1 tablespoon of good spirits

Blend well with:
1 heaped cup of unselfishness
A dash of interest in all one does
and a good helping of work.
Mix all ingredients with a pint of sympathy
and understanding combined.
Flavour with loving companionship.

Bake well all your life.
Ice with kisses, fond hope and tender words
This cake keeps well and should be served often

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A Good Wedding Cake – by Anon

4Lb of love
1/2Lb of sweet temper
1Lb of butter of youth
1Lb of blindness of faults
1Lb of pounded wit
1Lb of good humour
2Lbs of sweet argument
1 Pint of rippling laughter
1 Wine glass of common sense
A dash of modesty

Put the love, good looks and a sweet temper into a well-furnished house. Beat the butter of youth into a cream and mix well together with the blindness of faults. Stir the pounded wit and good humour into the sweet argument, then add the rippling laughter and common sense. Work the whole together until everything is well mixed and bake gently for ever.

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When You Marry

When you marry her, love her.
After you marry her, study her.
When she is blue, cheer her.
When she is talkative, by all means listen to her. If she dresses well, compliment her.
When she is cross, humour her.
If she is jealous, cure her.
If she is lonely, comfort her.
When she looks pretty, tell her so.
Let her feel you understand her.
But never let her know she isn’t the boss.
When you marry him, love him. After you marry him, study him. When he is secretive, trust him. If he is sad, cheer him.
When he is talkative, listen to him.
When he is quarrelsome, ignore him.
If he is jealous, cure him.
If he cares nought for pleasure, coax him. If he favours society, accompany him. When he deserves it, kiss him.
Let him think you understand him.
But never let him know you manage him.

Love is – by Adrian Henri

This is a really lovely poem for five friends to deliver

Love is…
Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fan club with only two fans
Love is walking holding paint stained hands

Love is.
Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don’t put out the light

Love is
Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you’re feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops

Love is
Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn

Love is
Love is you and love is me
Love is prison and love is free
Love’s what’s there when you are away from me

Love is…

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A lovely Love Story – by Edward Monkton

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.
Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.
I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.
I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.
But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
He is also overly fond of things.
Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?
But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.
Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?
I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.
I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.
Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
Look at them.
Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.
And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
For the sun is warm.
And the world is a beautiful place. 

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Be my Homer

Be my Homer
I wanna be your Marge.
If I’m your Norfolk Broads
Will you be my barge?
Let’s please be Tom and Barbara,
I will show you The Good Life.
Even though we’re not yet married
I would love to be your wife.
I’ve the passion Lily Munster
has for her dear Herman.
I would love you if you were ginger,
I would love you if you were German.
Like Mr and Mrs Huxtable,
We’d smooch even when we’re wrinkly.
I’ll even consider ironing your shirts,
But I hope you like them crinkly.
Like Mr and Mrs Incredible
I’m flexible and you’re tough.
But if you promise to be my true love
That will always be enough.
Like Bonny and that Clyde guy
without all the dying.
Like Gwyneth and that Coldplay man
without all the crying.
My partner in crime, the love of my life,

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I Rely on you – by Hovis Presley

I rely on you like a Skoda needs suspension,
like the aged need a pension,
like a trampoline needs tension,
like a bungee jump needs apprehension.

I rely on you like a camera needs a shutter,
like a gambler needs a flutter,
like a golfer needs a putter,
like a buttered scone involves some butter.

I rely on you like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve,
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve,
like an HGV needs endless derv,
like an outside left needs a body swerve.

I rely on you like a handyman needs pliers,
like an auctioneer needs buyers,
like a laundromat needs driers,
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers.

I rely on you like a water vole needs water,
like a brick outhouse needs mortar,
like a lemming to the slaughter,
Ryan’s just Ryan without his daughter. I rely on you.”

I Wanna Be Yours – by John Cooper Clarke

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
You’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
That’s how deep is my devotion
I wanna be yours

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Photo Credits:
Photographer: Kelsie Scully Photography
Venue: GreenTrees Estate
Photographer: Wild Meadow Photography
Venue: Longton Wood
Photographer: Ashleigh Joy Photography
Venue: Meadowfield Wedding Venue